Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Anniversary Blog: 7 Years

So I'm writing this year's anniversary blog early quite frankly because I'm scared I'm going to forget. Plus today I spent the day at one of my friends house. She was one of only ones that were I could say was really there for me during all that time in the hospital. Oh, on my youtube channel I really have never told yall about why I always celebrate April 15th. Well when I was 24 after coming home from grocery shopping with my mom, some guys (3) wanted to take my purse and in one second my life was affected by a decision I made. I fought back. One of the guys shot me. Yeah, I know what your thinking, WHAT? yep, that's what I thought...But trust me, I have the scars to prove it. I was really sick for a while but through the grace of God I'm here. In the seven years that have passed I always take that day to recap what I have learned since then. I learned that you should try to make that most of what you have. To keep going even if your sad. There are evil people in the world. You should trust your gut. Many many things. That I can help people and that I matter. That God does things for a reason and that I'm special. If I weren't then I would not be here. I know that if not for the shot at close range I survived or maybe for that "cancer" doctors told me I had two years later. I know there are a lot of things you guys don't know about me. But what you will find out about me is that I'm a fighter. I always have been and always will be. God taught me that. Sometimes I look back at all the stuff and I think there's something I have to do but I don't know what it is. But all I know is that I'm not going to give up. Today I remember how much I love my mom. You know what, I remember most? For that month that I was in the hospital , she never cried. I cried, I guess waking up not being able to talk and with tubes all over would make any one cry. Looking back, I remember how dark that time of my life was. Do you know that for a whole year I didn't go out. I didn't go not even to any get together with my friends or anything. I had a colostomy (for #2) bag for a year. It was awful. But I guess that one of the things that has changed this year was that I was able to tell a room full of people at church (strangers) about what happened. I talked openly about what happened to strangers... I was taking this class at church and we were sharing stuff about forgiveness. They were talking about how we needed to forgive to be forgiven. Of course this was not the first time that I have know that I'm challenged in that But you know what popped in my head that day? Why was I able to forgive these three guys for what they did to me but yet was not able to forgive one someone from my past? My excuse is that emotional wounds are harder to heal. Sometime I feel like I'm the one who cares more if he's forgive. Because he clearly doesn't care. My pastor says that when you forgive you let a prisoner go, yourself. I always say that forgiveness is what I need to work on and that's still the case...who knows when I'll be conquer that... God only knows!

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