Marshall...

So I made another mistake...Fuck me when I am going to learn? But you know what's funny this time it was weird because I felt like I was trusting my instincts. It wasn't like it was a long time this time but it was really real, at least for me. I felt like I could trust him and I had nothing to worry about. I will always remember him as the guy that told me the sweetest thing any one ever said to me. He said " If I had a brewery you would not have to work anymore." He had heard me complaining about my job and knew I wanted to stay home. It was so funny because even though there were no titles sometimes I felt like were together. When I looked in him eyes I saw him. Or so I thought. I know God does everything for a reason and I never want to ask him why I just want to trust this is for the best. I have to say though there was a day where he was next to me and I felt peace. Doesn't the bible say something about following peace? So I did find a silver lining in all this...About a month ago I saw someone at the bar I used to love. It was a whole coincidental thing and all I can say was that it was orchestrated by all might God. In any case, I didn't feel what I though I was going to feel. I though I was going to be devastated. But because (we will call him Marshall) I felt grateful that he was in my life so I could be strong enough to show him that I was over it, FINALLY! So I guess having Marshall in my life did that and it was good. And actually I learned to tell my feelings like I had not done, ever. I was more open and honest with Marshall than anyone I had ever been before and for me it was amazing! It was freeing and having said that I also have peace. Peace because there is no instance that I lied to be someone I'm not and I have peace because I did everything I could to try. But if there is another lesson here is that you cannot try for two people. You can only give your 100% and if the other person doesn't reciprocate then it was not the right fit. I will say this: I will miss Marshall. I will miss his smile, candor, sweetness, his boyish warmth and the peace I once felt just hanging out with him on my couch. I hope he finds what he is looking for. Sending him much Love and Light...


-G