To have and to hold

" The most important relationship you have in your life is the relationship you have with yourself because no matter what happens you will always be with yourself."- Diane Von Furstenberg. So I have been watching a lot of netflix lately. (Elvia convinced me to get it even though other people raved about it- I love it now.) I have been watching The Hills and The City and some of those episodes are so familiar. These dramas happen in real life. There were a couple of episodes there that I really related to what these girls went through. LC's  feelings towards Jason the coming and the going in and out of  her life. The surprise she got when he had been hanging out with her after his stint in rehab and how she thought just for a min, that he was talking to her because he wanted to get back with her but really he just wanted to be friends. Yeah, I'm vaguely familiar with that feeling. Lately I have been feeling weird, like health has been on my mind more and more. I have also been thinking about having that desire to be with someone. Like not wanting to be alone anymore. Feeling like I want someone in my life to have and to hold. But all those feelings I just think about myself and the last time I got really hurt. I wasn't cool at all and at times I wonder when or even if I will get over it. But then I think it's been too much time I have to come out of this rut I'm in. Not every guy is the same, there are good guys out there. When I think about my desire to have someone I think about why hasn't someone appeared in my life yet? I can't help to think what's the matter with me? Then I think about my weight and I think if there was something that I would want to change about myself -it's that. I don't want to sound conceded by I know I'm pretty but I would be prettier if I was thinner (and healthier). So I bought a bike and I'm trying to ride it every other day. I just think I'm done trying to work on the emotional part of my self. I have to accept it for what it is. The guy that I though was the love of my life wasn't and I have to get over it. I have to know that there is someone out there for me and God's gonna step in any day now. Till then I should just be concerned about getting to a healthy weight and keeping happy, and having fun with my friends.