Originally posted on Myspace blog 01/05/2010 : Purgatory on earth...

What is relationship purgatory, you ask. Purgatory(2): a place of suffering, expiation ( wandering freely), or remorse. Thus, relationship purgatory means: repeat mistakes over and over until you better. EI: remain single. Let me tell you it seems like I have been in that hell hole almost all my life! I think I could draw you a map with my eyes closed. But I digress. This year my new year resolutions are to pay off debts, work out a little more, to be closer to God and of course the in inevitable to stay off medication. As it seems the latter might be the hardest to do.lol. With all the crazies running around in the world. Like the guy that makes dates and doesn't keep them. Using he forgot as an excuse...so did your dog eat the paper you wrote our date on?? or the other one who take its out on the first date...WTF???!!! In what world is that acceptable in? other than the porn industry. The only thing I can think of is that I must be looking in the wrong places. Where are the God fearing people at? Church, you say well I'm not so sure about that...When disappointing shit happens like that you can't also help but to try to place a finger upon yourself to see if it something you are doing to cause behavior that is unacceptable. I mean if you keep having the same problem don't you think that in the end you keep picking the wrong people? I was just at the stage of self thought that possessed me to look for some answered of the last devastating broken heart. I contacted the person that could give me the answers. ******** * ***** He wrote back "I just wanted to say that things ended up the way they did because of me. You didn't do anything wrong. It's my fault." So there you heard it from the first person. It wasn't me it was him the whole f****** time!! It does help me cope with the fact that I know that I did the best that I could and It just didn't work because it just wanted meant to be... As sad as all that is. I have to keep going and God help me find what you meant for me.