Course Corritors

It's so funny how people who write have a process. My process is usually the content first and then later I try to make witty title but somehow this one is different the title came first...so this one is about another observation I made to tie something together. You know some of God's mysterious ways. Let me tell you about an ex boyfriend. I'm going to call him Gilbert. So Gilbert and I meet online and I went to meet him in Dallas, this was when you didn't really hear about people getting killed or getting cut into little pieces by people they meet on the internet and if you had, at that point I had not. Either way Gilbert and I were not together long, we were not compatible long term but he was a course corrector in my life. Those people are the people that God sends in your life to adjust your path because there is something that needs to change or adjust in your life. So I'm sure I have mentioned it before that I have a rich circle of friends stemming from this one family I meet when I was 9 years old. Well there was a time where we were not seeing eye to eye and we were not on speaking terms. So this is where Gilbert was instrumental, I asked him what he thought about the situation and he advised me to reunite with Maria. We had stopped talking because at the time her husband and I didn't really get along. So his opinion persuaded me to call her and become friends again. If that had not happened I would have never meet Judy, who now is also one of my besties. So recently I had a situation that now I believe was another course corrector. I meet someone online which I never got to meet in person. Anyways to be honest the pix were too good to be true and one of my thoughts was, what does this dude want with me? which I know, I should not have been thinking that but Ill address that in a min. Ok so because of those pictures, they made me want to get fit again. So I started going to walk at the park and I have been going everyday since the 4th of July so almost one month. I have seen a difference in my body and my confidence. My mom and my friends see a difference too. So I'm super happy that God cares enough about me to bring someone into my life that by no action of their own could inspire me to get fit. And I did need that for me. So I want to thank God that he is still looking out for me. That he has a plan and all I have to do is summit my life to him and it will happen in His timing. And as far as that thought I had. I have decided to take some time for myself. The time line is one month right now and just work on me and see where that thought stemmed from. Why did it come up? Why did I feel inferior to the guy in those pix? For all I know they might belong to someone else entirely...and all the stuff this person was saying could have been a straight up lie. So why did I think I was less worthy? So I'm gonna be working on that for the next month...So we shall see what this discovers...wish me luck, cus chances are, I'm gonna need it. 

Xiomara

17 Years

 So last month turned 17 years since I was shot. I usually write a blog on the day of or the week of but this time I needed to compose my thoughts. This last year has been so weird with the pandemic and all. Really tough on me because my love language is quality time. I haven't been able to spend that time with my friends and as much as I would normally. It's a new reality. I'm hopeful that it's gonna change soon. But as far as this past year. I learned a lot. I took a whole bunch of  classes online and I'm learning a new trade. Leather working. It's very interesting and I have found that I like to sew by hand. I have used this time to learn new things. In any case most times I have something poetic to talk about but not this year. To be honest all those bad memories are fading, which is good for me. I mean when it first happened I would have nightmares about having to run and hide from someone with a gun. On Easter someone asked me about it and I changed the subject, I'm not sure why I felt unfordable talking about it. I though I had gotten passed that point... IDK. You know what I thought about recently? Someone called me a goody too shoes once. And I been thinking about that. I thought well I have so much to be grateful for. I survived a shot in the chest. I survived a tumor in my ovary. So yeah I will be a goody too shoes for the rest of my life because God is in me. Because God saved me. And I will represent Him for as long as I am alive. And then I think was this person jealous that of the way I live my life? umm, interesting... that is it for now. 

GXD

News Story Has Me Spinning

 A few days ago I was online and there was this news article that popped up on  my feed about this guy that overdosed. He was very young and to be honest I did not even read the whole thing. What I did read was he was a son of a very rich man.  It got me thinking. That is so sad that we all can have the same types of problems. Even if we don't have money or if we have the most amount of money. Addiction. I was thinking people are addicted to different things, right? Some are addicted to likes, shopping or drugs or food. But no amount of money can save us unless we WANT to save our selves. This story proves that. I mean the guys dad is a billionaire and even that couldn't save him. It's so sad he was so young. There were so many things he didn't get to do. Get married, have kids, find his calling...It goes to show you that even if you have money there are demons you have to fight. It starts me to thinking about the relationship we have in our lives and how communication plays a big role. Like I think about how close I am to my mom and I think about how I know a lot of people that don't even talk to their parents. I think wow I'm lucky because I can literally tell my mom anything and she never turns her back on me. How our relationship is so close, open and honest. I'm very lucky in that way. God has blessed me with a mom like mine. And then I think would that have helped this guy? Having a open, honest, close relationship with his parents have helped him not go down the path of drugs? Did the drive of the dad to make money play a part in the addiction of his son? Did the dad pay more attention to the drive of money more than the drive to be someone's dad? Where does the mom come in all of this? Was she an enabler?  or was the dad? Did they not see what was happing at all or did they see the signs and ignore them like most of us? Maybe thinking it wasn't as bad as it really was? All those thoughts came to my mind and then there is just sadness for the family. They lost a loved one and no amount of money can get him back. Ironic, huh?