So its been a long time running where I have felt, let's say under the weather. I been feeling stressed, fatigued, sad, unable to stay asleep but also just all around unhappy. Just not myself. In an effort to try to solve my problem I taken it upon myself to eat better and just get healthier. Well, one thing I hear that helps is meditation. So I found this application called Headspace. They have a program called take 10, which is like thier free intro program that teaches you the basics of meditation. Im currently on day 8 and at day 5 I already knew I was gonna subscribe. I LOVE it! Andy has this calm voice that just makes me fall asleep. But by far the most important thing he has taught me so far is to be able to put thoughts in perspective. So often for me I have allowed my thougths to take over and drive me crazy all the while I'm supposed to be going to sleep. I'll give you an example, I'll be laying there in bed thinking about I forgot to buy dog food or I need to do this in the morning or not to forget to wake up extra early cause I have to this and that, endless crap basically and by the time I notice its 5 am and I haven't slept. Its teaching me to put thoughts aside, not to worry so much so I can sleep. I have slept better in the last week or so than in the last year!! Its amazing! I just thought I'd share this for those of you who might have the same problem. Thanks, if you have any questions let me know. :)
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Putting the pieces together and God's Divine Plan
I am a believer that everything happens for a reason. Lately more than ever I have found that to be true. I have been reading some books that have helped me put some pieces of my life together, some thing I never thought I would be able to figure out. This scripture comes to mind: Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding.
When I was about 10 years old I found out the person that I had called Mom all my life till then- wasn't. I found out she was my grandma on my dad's side of the family. We had just moved to Houston and we were living with my "brother" Joe. Brother because that's who I was told he was but really he is my uncle. (Hopefully this will get less complicated as it goes on). Anyway, Joe got mad at my mom one day and just blurred out "why doesn't he help??!! he's her dad anyway!". When I heard that I knew he was talking about my other "brother" Manuel. I started to cry because I know there was no way that my mom was my mom and he was my dad. Sabina , My mom tried to get me to calm down by telling me that Joe was lying and that she was my mom. But the damage was done. I cried because I had been lied to...for ten years they never told me she wasn't my mom. They never told me I was adopted. They never told me Manuel was my real dad. Come to think of it, it was very traumatic finding out that way. But anyways after that I couldn't help but to notice things... At that time my mom, Joe and I lived in the same apartments that Manuel and his family lived in. We would see each other often. And I noticed that he never really treated me like a daughter. He didn't treat me like he did my half sister, Claudia. She was so young I'm sure she doesn't remember. I wasn't jealous of her I just wanted to be shown attention like her. But God had his plan. I have been reading this book by John Edwards and in this book he has this theory that before we are born we pick our parents. We pick where on earth we are born and we pick or heritage. When I read that I though to myself why would I pick my parents? They both were irresponsible, as far as I'm concerned they both didn't love me enough to keep me or fight to keep me. They were all too happy to pass me along to someone else to clean up their mistake. But then as I meditated about that further it began to make more and more sense. My grandma has told me multiple times that she always wanted to have a little girl. God never let her carry one. She had four pregnancies, all boys. The last time she was pregnant she had twins, unfortunately they died before they got out of the hospital. Sabina, my grandma, wanted a little girl so bad that she adopted one way before I came along. Lets just say that it didn't go well. Yanira ran away from home when she was 14 because she was pregnant. Needless to say that my mom tried to make things happen but God has his own plans. She kept on praying to God that one day she would have a girl of her own. The year she turned 39 I came in to existence. Her dream was fulfilled, and most definitely not the way she thought was going to happen. So I was thinking that God's plan was never to have Manuel and Sonia to be my parents it was to have Sabina be my mom. I can imagine now having a conversation with God :
Me: God, so your telling me that my biological mom Sonia and my biological dad Manuel will not raise me?
God: Yes, but I have the best mom in the world for you, Sabina. She has been praying for you for more than 20 years. She will be your best friend, your confidant, she will be strong for you are weak. I will make her go through a lot of trials and tribulations but she will be there for you when you get shot. I will make her strong so that your can carry out my plan for your life.
Me: Yes, God. Give me strength to be able to endure rejection from my parents. Give me enlightenment so I can one day understand all of this. Thank you God because your ways are better than my ways.
So as I now understand that God never meant me to have two parents that didn't care about me, he always meant for me to be Sabina's daughter. She is the best mom in the world. She is funny and affectionate and tough when she needs to be. She is amazing and I only have God to thank for that. I believe in God's divine plan...
Xiomara
When I was about 10 years old I found out the person that I had called Mom all my life till then- wasn't. I found out she was my grandma on my dad's side of the family. We had just moved to Houston and we were living with my "brother" Joe. Brother because that's who I was told he was but really he is my uncle. (Hopefully this will get less complicated as it goes on). Anyway, Joe got mad at my mom one day and just blurred out "why doesn't he help??!! he's her dad anyway!". When I heard that I knew he was talking about my other "brother" Manuel. I started to cry because I know there was no way that my mom was my mom and he was my dad. Sabina , My mom tried to get me to calm down by telling me that Joe was lying and that she was my mom. But the damage was done. I cried because I had been lied to...for ten years they never told me she wasn't my mom. They never told me I was adopted. They never told me Manuel was my real dad. Come to think of it, it was very traumatic finding out that way. But anyways after that I couldn't help but to notice things... At that time my mom, Joe and I lived in the same apartments that Manuel and his family lived in. We would see each other often. And I noticed that he never really treated me like a daughter. He didn't treat me like he did my half sister, Claudia. She was so young I'm sure she doesn't remember. I wasn't jealous of her I just wanted to be shown attention like her. But God had his plan. I have been reading this book by John Edwards and in this book he has this theory that before we are born we pick our parents. We pick where on earth we are born and we pick or heritage. When I read that I though to myself why would I pick my parents? They both were irresponsible, as far as I'm concerned they both didn't love me enough to keep me or fight to keep me. They were all too happy to pass me along to someone else to clean up their mistake. But then as I meditated about that further it began to make more and more sense. My grandma has told me multiple times that she always wanted to have a little girl. God never let her carry one. She had four pregnancies, all boys. The last time she was pregnant she had twins, unfortunately they died before they got out of the hospital. Sabina, my grandma, wanted a little girl so bad that she adopted one way before I came along. Lets just say that it didn't go well. Yanira ran away from home when she was 14 because she was pregnant. Needless to say that my mom tried to make things happen but God has his own plans. She kept on praying to God that one day she would have a girl of her own. The year she turned 39 I came in to existence. Her dream was fulfilled, and most definitely not the way she thought was going to happen. So I was thinking that God's plan was never to have Manuel and Sonia to be my parents it was to have Sabina be my mom. I can imagine now having a conversation with God :
Me: God, so your telling me that my biological mom Sonia and my biological dad Manuel will not raise me?
God: Yes, but I have the best mom in the world for you, Sabina. She has been praying for you for more than 20 years. She will be your best friend, your confidant, she will be strong for you are weak. I will make her go through a lot of trials and tribulations but she will be there for you when you get shot. I will make her strong so that your can carry out my plan for your life.
Me: Yes, God. Give me strength to be able to endure rejection from my parents. Give me enlightenment so I can one day understand all of this. Thank you God because your ways are better than my ways.
So as I now understand that God never meant me to have two parents that didn't care about me, he always meant for me to be Sabina's daughter. She is the best mom in the world. She is funny and affectionate and tough when she needs to be. She is amazing and I only have God to thank for that. I believe in God's divine plan...
Xiomara
Monday, March 3, 2014
Cruising- Cross #19 off my yolo list (Feb 2014)
So cruising has been something I have wanted to do for a really long time. Last week God gave me the privilege of fulfilling that dream. This are the best pictures I took on that trip. The Carnival Triumph was that ship I was on and I was amazing. I loved it. The only bad thing that happened was that our 5 day trip was cut short to 4 days due to fog in Galveston. But then again I'm sure God had a reason. Since we only had 4 days we were only able to stop at one port which was in Cozumel, MX. I have to say it was really nice place. Over all I was really amazed at how affordable the trip was. If you are looking for a really nice but inexpensive vacation, I would most defiantly recommend a cruise. You only have to worry about the gratuity at the end and if you want soda and or alcohol. All in all an amazing value for the money. I am already looking up dates to see when I can go back, but this time to Jamaica on a 7 day cruise.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Chicago (September 2008)
I was able to go to Chicago a few days earlier than planned due to there being a hurricane in my home town of Houston, TX. I feel kinda bad that they were going through that and I was over here having fun with my mom. :(
TTYL,
Xiomara
Sunday, January 12, 2014
My top Pix from Cabo San Lucas, MX ( April 2007)
Cabo San Lucas was amazing! I feel bad cause I didn't take as many pix as I should have of the surroundings because it's so pretty there. I hope you enjoy the pix I'm sharing. If you ever get a chance to go to Cabo, GO!!
TTYL,
Xiomara
Saturday, January 11, 2014
My top Ten Pix from Rome, Italy ( March 2006)
My dream had always been to go to Italy and God granted me my wish in March of 2006. I took my sister with me and we has an amazing time together. I have a lot of other pix but these are my pick for the ones that we are not in. If you have any questions, let me know I will get back to you.
TTYL,
Xiomara
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
My Top ten pix from Maui, HI (April 2008)
One day I will be able to go back there, If you don't have Hawaii on your bucket list...you should!
TTYL,
Xiomara
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