In my thoughts

I think about you all the time. There have been times that I would love to grab the phone and just call you so I can hear your voice on the other end of the line. To just move past this whole not talking phase. But then I think about all the stuff we have been through. Or more like the stuff we put each other through and I think it's for the best that we not be in each others life. Lately I have been watching this show, it's called Being Erica. She has a messed up life and when she ends up in the hospital, this shrink seeks her out. They have weird encounters that lead to her going back in time and her trying to make better decisions in her life. Her theory is that if she had made better decision in life it would be better. Even though it's made up I love it. I could describe it as kind of like Grey's Anatomy but with out all the medical mambo jumbo. It's free on Hulu to watch it. One night I feel asleep thinking about how would my life have been had I never meet you. Would my life be better or worse? I don't exactly remember what I dreamed but when I woke up I didn't like the feeling I got from my dream. You know something? I we don't talk but I hope one day you see this and get to read it. Back when you broke up with me I prayed to God to tell me why you broke up with me and He answered. He said it was because of what you were doing and he gave me a picture of what was going on. I was discussed I have to admit. But that didn't make me love you any less because I was in denial. All in all I wouldn't change anything. I tried too much, even if you wanted to love me you could not. It's not in your nature.We can't fight nature. But all in all like I said I wouldn't change anything. Because we broke up I gave my life to the Lord. Even though I would not say that I have been perfect from then on but it's made me closer to God. All I know that you will never be happy until you accept who you are in front of everyone and yourself most of all. Think about it. I will always love you.